Many of us have been swimming in the ‘dating pool’ for years now, and while it’s great for upper body strength, we still can’t find ourselves ashore with those that are in relationships. So, let me share with you my Top 10 Dating Rules, in the hopes that I’m saving you and reminding myself of all the crap and confusion involved with dating the opposite sex.
1. Leave your wallet in the car. I’m sorry but, if you’re on a date with a real man, then the man is going to pay. No, you shouldn’t have to go half on the bill or pay every other date. Your suitor should always pay or offer to pay, and if you decide that you wanted to pay for that night, you may. By no means, am I condoning selfishness, but in these modern times, there aren’t many gender roles lingering around. Therefore, your date should be looking for any moment available to assert himself (be a man.) At the very least, it is a nice gesture.
2. Keep an open mind. I know, I know. He’s two inches shorter than you, needs a manicure, and played “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” with his dinner utensils. Get to know him. Under all the mess, you may find out he’s a nice guy who missed his manicure appointment and the short gene skips a generation in his family. Seriously, there aren’t as many options as we’d like to hope, so why eliminate the ones who could become an option.
3. Take mental notes. If possible, remember EVERYTHING that he says. It is great material in case you need to catch him in a lie, prepare for future arguments or (necessarily) make quick judgments so you can get the hell out of dodge. Especially, when you guys get to the commitment talk, he might want to throw around that he’s not ready for a relationship, although you could have sworn on the second date he said he was ‘looking’.
4. Let him plan some of the dates. There’s two reasons: let’s the man feel like a man and you can observe his character. As women we love to plan things ( I know I do), and sometimes we tend to take the leadership role in the relationship. You plan the date from A to Z, and the man just needs to show up ( and probably, in the outfit you suggested.) Doing this time after time will either have him relinquish his “power” or be silently frustrated with you. Also, having him to decide where to go and what to do, enables you to see how romantic, spontaneous, or creative he can be. It keeps him vested in the relationship, rather than just going along with the relationship.
5. Men love bitches. The more you turn them down and make them feel inferior, the more they want you and respect you. It’s sick, but true. Of course, I’m not saying you should literally treat him like an ugly step child, but I do suggest treating him like he‘s expendable. If you want the upper hand in the dating field, this is how you do that. Don’t always jump to answer his calls, let him wonder what you are doing. When he wants to take you out, let him know you’ll be available after you ‘check your schedule’. In this sense, being a bitch kind of means, being emotionally unavailable. The moment a guy senses that you are needy or desperate, he will be running the other direction. So, treat him like crap, and he’ll be running towards you.
6. Don’t get too comfortable, too fast. It’s only been two months, so what happened to the miniskirts, the carefully, careless hair and sweet perfume. Now you ’fashion’ the messy ponytail, your house clothes became your going out clothes, and the only scent he smells is the farts that trail from your behind. Throughout any relationship, you have to try to keep things fresh. Remind him every now and then, why he chose to date you in the first place. As soon as he forgets, he’s searching for the next new and cute lady within in reach.
7. Don’t plan the wedding. Yes, he’s gorgeous, he’s funny, and he works! You’ve known him for two weeks and he hasn’t pissed you off yet. Great, but don’t pick your wedding song, just yet. I can line up 4 presumably great guys, and still wouldn’t be able to guarantee that at least one of them was your future husband. Dating is never that easy. I definitely wouldn’t suggest jumping into every date hoping that this one is your groom. Take your time and see where it goes, so that if this one turns out to be a dud it won’t crush you too much.
8. No sex until… you genuinely see the relationship is headed somewhere, unless, you just want to get the ‘cookies’ and go. Other than that, don’t even go there. Sex blinds the man and confuses the lady. When you take sex out of the present agenda, you see each other eye to eye, not pelvis to pelvis. We’re adults and we know how good sex is and how hard it is not to have sex. However, for the first two months, try to avoid being alone together, near a bed or couch. Go out and get to know each other.
9. Do kiss the smooch off of his lips. A girl’s gotta’ get some kinda’ action, right? Also, there are many benefits of kissing. Making out (I haven’t said that in a while) makes you feel young and frisky again. Sometimes, as adults we don’t take the time to just kiss. It’s too enjoyable to only do for 30 seconds. Kissing, also, helps to bring the joy of foreplay back. There are some guys still out there who try to get in your pants, and go bang, bang, bang… and that’s it. Hey, what about me buddy? More importantly, a bad kisser is a deal breaker, and if sex got in the way, you might not realize how bad it is fast enough to make a clean escape.
10. Dating one man at a time, will only allow you to find one loser at time. The best thing about being single, is being able to date as many people as you want. With no one to hold you back and tie you down, you have more time for your chosen sport. Get numbers, plan dates for every night of the week, and just have fun. I promise you will be a pro at weeding out the jerks, in no time. The more options you have, the more possibilities you have to finding someone ‘dateable‘.