Dating Wonders Love, and stuff sex

The 30-60-90 Day Rule and How You Can Apply It to Your Dating Life


Dating is already an emotional, confusing whirlwind, and then an added dating ritual came out to play:  the 90-day rule. The 90 day rule requires that a woman wait at least 90 days before giving up her Love Jones to a potential mate.  Yes, yet another way to govern our vaginas. In fact, as I think about it, the 90 day rule existed back in the day too, but in a different context. Boy meets girl, boy marries girl in 60 days, and boy and girl have sex (…and live happily ever, at least that’s what we thought.) These days, the marriage counterpart doesn’t happen so urgently. Although the 90 day rule certainly carries its own significance, it may not be a guideline that you feel necessary for your lifestyle.  So, you may want to consider the 30-60-90 day rule.

The 30-60-90 rule is nothing like Steve Harvey’s 90 Day rule. I’d like to consider it the “do what feels right” rule. It’s not really a rule at all. Of course waiting 90 days has its significance when committing to a suitor, but the 30-60-90 rule goes out to the ladies who rather not live within deadlines and expectations. . You see, the 90 day rule kind of seduces you with hopes and expectations that a stable relationship will form at the end of the term, which may not necessarily be the truth. On the other hand the 30-60-90 rule releases those expectations, and leaves you with the responsibility to make your own dating guidelines. The 30-60-90 rule is to be used at your own discretion, and when using this rule one must remember to have her ‘big girl panties’ on when things don’t go her way. Now, let’s explore the ins and outs of the 30-60-90 day rule, and how you can use it to maneuver your dating life.

30 Days

To be honest, having sex with a guy during this time is pretty risky territory. Consider this the ‘no expectations’ period. Although, we have transformed into a progressive, modern society, men’s views on women sometimes tend to be stone-aged. Although both of you made the decision to romp in the hay, some men may still view you as the easy one.  Welcome to the magical world of double standards. Knowing that men can be bone heads should help make the decision to sleep with your suitor a little more uncomplicated. Understand that having sex with him during this period may not end up in a relationship. Understand that he may or may not stick around. Also, understand you risk having the best sex ever that will relieve all of your built up sexual tension. Honestly, the main benefit to sleeping with him during this time is the fact you’ll know what he’s working with, however the downside is sex clutters your mind. Hopefully, you are dealing with a seemingly mature guy as yourself, and you guys can be able to see through all the heat and smoke you guys will create.

60 Days

So you’re 60 days into your “situationship”, and you haven’t given into temptation! Now is a good time, if any, to let your inhibitions flow. Well, that’s if you want to make that choice. By this time, you’ve probably been on eight or more dates, made it to second or third base, and you’re hot and ready. After 60 days, you should know enough about this person, in order to decide if you are ready to escalate your relationship with this guy or not. However, there are a few stipulations to consider when wanting to take the next step.  How many times have you spent time together? Does he make every effort to romance you? Do you hope to form a serious relationship with him? If so, will you be able to consider if things do not work out the way you want? 60 days is a great time to decide whether you want to keep him around for love, sex, or nothing at all.

90 Days

Girl, you’re a trooper! You are probably buckling at the knees and anxious to have fun with your beau, but you might still be questioning if now is the right time. After 90 days, it is to be determined if you want to continue to wait, or if you’re satisfied with you and your guy’s current relationship status and ready to become more intimate. The 90 day rule was designed to help you take the time to get to know someone until you trust that they have good intentions towards you. In fact, you may not necessarily feel comfortable with him yet, and he will either respect your wishes or move on without you. A few things to be clear about during this stage are his needs and his intentions. Make sure to communicate your goals with him, so that you both are on the same page. He may not be able to commit to only you during this period. In fact, you don’t necessarily have to commit to him during this period, either.  Use these 90 days to explore the dating world, so that you don’t put your eggs all in one basket.

10 thoughts on “The 30-60-90 Day Rule and How You Can Apply It to Your Dating Life”

    1. You do what is right for you. Don’t let others or “what’s normal” sway your belief system. I’m 31 years old and grew up watching the media shove sex in my face,I grew up watching sex & the city and pretty much felt that it was normal & healthy to be promiscuous. I can honestly tell you I’ve slept with around 100 guys, I was never trying to reach that number. I was giving in to my desires while searching for true love only to never be taken seriously, or let sex make me love drunk & fall hard for a guy before truly getting to know him & finding out down the road we were incompatible. Waiting is a good thing. Being friends, trust, respect are all good things. Don’t let anyone swayyou

  1. I think it does not guarantee you a good relationship either or, I had the worst unfulfilled relationship full of abuse, manipulation and all the bad things done by men with a guy I have dated for six months without sex. And and the other jerk, we waited for two full years, was just as bad and I had the most fulfilling, tender love and respect with someone with whom we hit the sheets after 28 days.

  2. 30 DAYS??????? THIRTY DAYS?????? WHy would you waste 30 whole days on someone without knowing what they are packing??? Sex should be the first thing. Then if it is good, a conversation.

  3. The idea is to focus on getting to know a person without being “blinded” by intimacy. It does not guarantee that a relationship will work. It’s a discipline whereby you are saying “who are you with your clothes on.”

  4. SO, What if Me and the guy have had a relationship with relations in the past like 9 years ago. and we fooled around since then. but now we have decided that we want to actually try and see if the relationship is what we both want. So what should i do.?

  5. Do we start counting the 30-60-90 day no contact rule on the start of online dating? Or do we count the no contact days from the first day when we see each other in person? When do we start counting when it comes to online dating and meeting in person after a few months?

    1. Hi Patty,

      Personally, I would say from the first day seeing each other in person. However, if you were chatting online and talking on a phone for significant amount of time and feel connected with this person, then maybe you can make some revisions to rule. The progression of the relationship and each parties effort really is what is most important. 🙂

      Thanks for commenting!

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