Book Straight Talk

So Steve Harvey Says Men and Women Can’t Be Friends, huh…

By Tammy Oh | Dating Wonders

 

First, I’d like to just say, after reading Steve Harvey’s first book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”, I think he’s so old school. Sure, some of what he says makes a lot of sense. For instance, his 90 day rule for withholding sex  until he commits can be applied to your life (if you really wanted to) or even drawing the line when a man shows signs of not wanting to commit. However, Steve Harvey has a lot of other  principles which always involves, what can the woman do to fix her relationships and herself.  It seems as if we’re doing everything wrong and we have to correct ourselves, while men are just sitting like princes watching us dance and flip for them.

In his new book, ‘Straight Talk, No Chaser’, he has the idea that men and women can‘t be friends. Well, yeah in an older man, born into the 50’s, frame of mind I guess that would be impossible.  Don’t get me wrong, opposite sex friendships stand on shaky ground, especially when one or the other is in a relationship. However, Steve Harvey is stuck on a juvenile idea of  the terms in a friendship. He made the comment in an interview about crying on a male friend’s shoulder, where you think you’re being consoled , but he says the man is thinking about all the things he can do to you (sexually). That’s not a friend, that’s a pervert. I feel as though his interpretation on male and female relationships is based on his pubescent memories from when he was in the back of his class playing with himself and picking his nose.

In this modern day, I feel as though a mature man and a mature woman can very well be close friends. In a relationship, if your other half is mature and honest about his friendship, you would have no reservations about what goes on with them. In fact, if this is a true friendship you would know a whole lot about that friend, it wouldn’t have any sneaky undertones involved at all. It just wouldn’t be a big deal. Also, if you have male friends, your man wouldn’t and shouldn’t have a problem because the key here is they have to know about the friends. When in a relationship, you have to involve and intertwine your lives with each other, which would include outside friendships. So if your man has a friendship with a woman, and the only reason you know that information was by mistake, then its obvious something else is going on.

I’m not going to be completely naïve and say it isn’t a possibility that men and women in friendships can’t be attracted to each other, because yes, they can. However, when you develop a solid friendship with another person, that person starts to take on the role of family. At this point, this person is more than a face and a body, they are a loved one. When they are a friend, you have subconsciously relinquished any form of sexual thoughts in your mind. If not, clearly you’re more than just friends or you want more. Therefore, it’s not that men and women can’t be friends, it’s whether they choose to except and acknowledge that they are just friends.   When all is said and done, the basis of a friendship is all developed at the beginning of that friendship, whether it’s a true friendship or a questionable friendship. For instance, if a guy used to date his female friend, chances are they might be friends…with benefits. Or if you know that he has had a this female friend for 15 years and sometimes the three of you all hang out together, you know she is an integral part of his life, and you can rest assure that they really are friends. Friendships and relationships are so complex and forever changing that you can’t put a cap on something and say it can’t be done or it won’t be done. As adults we are mentally and physically capable of almost anything, so having an opposite sex friendship is possible of having no drama behind it because that’s what we mentally chose to happen. BUT, wait. Ladies, of course, don’t be a dumb ass. Just because he says she’s just a friend, doesn’t mean you should take his word. You know when something isn’t right, so in those cases don’t ignore the signs. Simple as that. Steve Harvey says what?

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2 Responses to So Steve Harvey Says Men and Women Can’t Be Friends, huh…

  1. adam says:

    Can you take anything this prick says seriously? YES, men and women CAN be friends only. This is 2011, not the 1700s. Talk about progressive. If you seriously think this can’t be so, you’re conservative in a way, even you don’t vote for Bush, if you can’t accept that men and women can definitely be friends without feelings, you’re living in the 1700s.

  2. Cicely Thompson says:

    I believe that men and women can be friends, but I also agree that if that friend does not know about your man/woman or you find out about that friend by accident , then there is something else going on. If its really just a friend then why do you have to hide and lie about it. If there is no other motives behind that friendship, then I believe that we should all be friends or at least know other.

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