Recently, I’ve become aware of interviews where Jill Scott reveals she was ‘Dickmatized.’ At first I was shocked that she would openly state such a thing to the media, but then I thought “We’ve all been there.” Jill stated that the idea of being ‘dickmatized’ is “where you get caught up in the whole sexuality of your relationship, but it’s not going anywhere. Just somebody giving you the goods, but not necessarily giving you the rest –or not expecting the rest from them…” Urban dictionary simply places it as the act of receiving good sex which leaves you with clouded judgment.
‘Dickmatization’ (so what, I made up a word, they did it, too) is a condition while in the moment, one doesn’t realize the effects until the hypnosis ceases. How many times have you reflected on a past relationship, trying to recall why you were so in love, but came up empty? Was it the way he smiled when he was about to lie to you? Or was it the way he never forgot to call you every Tuesday because that was the only time he made for you? He was just so darned charming, right? Forgive me while I roll my eyes. Many women would give a standing ovation and throw flowers on the stage when the discussion of the “Power of the Pussy” comes about, but many may get quiet when it comes to the “Power of the D.” Have a seat, let’s think about this. The D calms you down after a rough day in the office. The D wipes your tears after a bad argument (okay, not literally. That’s just gross.) In a race between The D and your friends, the D is the undefeated champion. When you’re actually in the moment, making decisions becomes clearer with the help of The D. Sometimes The D lets you down, but it never fazes you because… you’re still getting The D.
Yet and still, you are experiencing the exact characteristics of being ‘dickmatized’. Your brain and what was once your common sense are begging to be released from this thing you’d like to call a relationship, but you’re really just getting ‘piped down.’ Having sex is a very intimate thing especially when done with someone you actually like being around. Being that close with someone can give you the false notion that there may be something between you two besides The D (I promise I won’t mention “The D” again. Damn, I did it again.) Trust me, I understand. Even if he doesn’t necessarily treat you like a queen or take you out to dinner often, at least he’s in your bed at night. Therefore, instead of having the uncomfortable conversation about where the relationship is headed, you settle for whatever it is that you have now, which is virtually, nothing.
Seriously, just remove yourself from the situation, and think about your personal worth and if he’s capable of enriching you. Be warned that if you are trying to decide this while your legs are spread and he’s buttering the muffin, you may not come out with a sensible solution. Although you may deem this difficult, as soon as you feel as if you’re falling under ‘dickmatization’, readjust your focus. The longer you are in this state, the worst the damages are to your spirit. You start to hope that beyond the sex, he will fall in love with you, marry you, ultimately sitting in the rocking chair next to you, and still ‘dicking you down.” Nope, that’s not happening. You guys are going to continue having sex, until he moves on and you’re left waiting on that (real) relationship you wanted at some point.