As women, we are expected to live life by the books, and follow the straight and narrow path. What does all that mean? I don’t know. In a perfect world we shouldn’t have to live by any rules, but we are not constructed to live in a world with such disarray and disregard for etiquette and guidelines. However, with following rules comes the moment where you want to rebel and let go of any common sense. Many times we turn to our girlfriends for advice, and a lot of times what they say makes sense, but it’s just not what you want to hear. We don’t always want the right and acceptable thing to do. In that regard, I’m going to ask you to hold out your hand, so that I can give to you the “Bad Advice Card.” Use this card anytime you just want to break a rule and just need an excuse to do it. If you have no idea where to get started with your newfound freedom, here are a few pieces of bad advice to get you started.
Forget the 90-Day Rule
The only calendar that determines the fate of your vagina should be your menstrual cycle. Your brain and only your brain should make all other decisions. If you decide you want to have sex on the 89th day or 1st for that matter, it is okay.
Cry on the Job
We are women and we cry. If you feel like crying, go ahead…cry. Cry in a very small closet, all the way in the back of the office, while facing the wall and your hand is over your mouth. Again, break the rules but use some discretion. We don’t want to mess with your money.
Have Sex With Your Ex
There are quite a few reasons why you shouldn’t have sex with your ex, but when the sex is so good there aren’t enough reasons that withstands the urge. Honestly, who can turn their nose up to notch-less sex (notch-less sex: the opportunity to have sex without adding another notch to your belt”)?
Have That Second Scoop of Ice Cream
I’m pretty sure I don’t have to do much convincing on this topic. Sometimes, we are bogged down with so many guilt trips by the media for indulging too much, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t indulge at all. As long as you are doing what you need to do a good 5 out 7 days out of the week (they really say 80% of the week but whatever) go ahead and live (eat) a little more. Just a little.
Say Whatever Comes To Mind
You may not be able to “smack a bitch”, but you sure as heck can call her out her name. In a less earnest sense, all I’m saying is sometimes you need to voice what irritates you. What use is decorum, when people are taking advantage of you or just plain pissing you off? Whether you’re speaking to customer service or your husband’s mom, consider it your duty to put people in their place, left and right. The only person I warn you to not go nuts with is your boss, because then you’ll just be messing with your money. You don’t want that.
Go to Sleep With Your Makeup On
Now, this rule only applies to the very early stages of being courted by a guy. When you sleep over you want to maintain a more tired, yet still glamorous version of “yourself”. By no means, should you go to sleep with a full face on, but a few hints of beauty don’t hurt. For example, you can apply tons of waterproof mascara, a swipe of blush, and smudge of lipstick so that you can wake up looking the opposite of your usually disheveled self.
When It Comes To Dating, Play Games
When you make the rules, then you are in charge, well at least in the dating world. Forget being a sweet and passive girl, rather you should be a mysterious, but still passive temptress. Men love to play games, right? So definitely, engage him in a little dating game. No man wants anything easy. Keep him guessing, keep him thinking, and you’ll keep him for as long as you want.
Kiss and Tell
Whoever said, “a lady never tells” was a prude. ‘Kissing and telling’ is how we learn to bang our men into submission with no need to tell them where we were “schooled.” Besides, when you think you are the only one suffering from bad sex, you’d finally have the guts to do something about it and won’t feel so ashamed when you hear one of your girlfriends have been there.
Although seeing the receipts may have the reverse effect, shopping is a great stress reliever. There may be times, where you want to be responsible and budget your money, and that’s understandable. However, there are even better times where there are credit cards, layaway plans, and blindfolds (for when you don’t want to see the travesty about to be charged to your checking account.)
Follow Your Heart
Following your heart may sound like good advice, but it doesn’t always end favorably. However, this is the best, yet worse advice we all need to follow. What’s in your heart is exactly what will make you happy. There may be people or situations that we are uncertain of in our lives, but if we ignore that beating in our core, we will always regret it and wonder. Whether it involves your career, your love, or your dinner follow whatever your heart says, who cares about anything else or what anyone else has to say.